Saturday, January 12, 2013
Wading through a quagmire
Artist built stained glass windows: Montsalvat, Melbourne
I have so many thoughts running through my mind at the moment; so many things I want to say but can't find the words to form coherent sentences. My mind feels like a quagmire. A thick pea-soup-fog that I am wading through. I want to write about friendships- about when they end. I want to write about strong feelings like betrayal at the same time as banal observations on work and relationships and blogging and weddings. But it's all just swimming through my mind and not stopping any place long enough to be coupled with adjectives and commas or be wrangled by any sort of logic.
I want to crack my head open like a boiled egg and take a nice big sponge and clean out the gunk. Wouldn't that be handy? Just wipe out the rubbish and rinse it in the sink. Let it circle the plug hole, course down the pipes and make its way out to sea to be sterilised by the salty ocean.
I'm not unhappy. But I'm not happy either. I just am. I think I need one of those uniquely female crying sessions where you weep big fat hot salty tears for no reason at all. And you feel better for the release even though your not quite sure what you needed to be released from.
Unfortunately the tears don't seem to want to come. I think I'll pick up a book and read the cohesive sentences formed by someone else's functional grey matter.
And maybe tomorrow the words will come back and I can make sense of the quagmire of thoughts swirling incessantly in my head. No sponge required.