Saturday, January 12, 2013
Wading through a quagmire
Artist built stained glass windows: Montsalvat, Melbourne
I have so many thoughts running through my mind at the moment; so many things I want to say but can't find the words to form coherent sentences. My mind feels like a quagmire. A thick pea-soup-fog that I am wading through. I want to write about friendships- about when they end. I want to write about strong feelings like betrayal at the same time as banal observations on work and relationships and blogging and weddings. But it's all just swimming through my mind and not stopping any place long enough to be coupled with adjectives and commas or be wrangled by any sort of logic.
I want to crack my head open like a boiled egg and take a nice big sponge and clean out the gunk. Wouldn't that be handy? Just wipe out the rubbish and rinse it in the sink. Let it circle the plug hole, course down the pipes and make its way out to sea to be sterilised by the salty ocean.
I'm not unhappy. But I'm not happy either. I just am. I think I need one of those uniquely female crying sessions where you weep big fat hot salty tears for no reason at all. And you feel better for the release even though your not quite sure what you needed to be released from.
Unfortunately the tears don't seem to want to come. I think I'll pick up a book and read the cohesive sentences formed by someone else's functional grey matter.
And maybe tomorrow the words will come back and I can make sense of the quagmire of thoughts swirling incessantly in my head. No sponge required.
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Sounds like you need a tub of some special falvoured ice cream - all expensive and rich and creamy. Then followed up by a good movie on the couch.
ReplyDeleteExactly! Will schedule my Sunday accordingly
DeleteOh love. I know how this feels. Sometimes I deliberately read a sad.book or watch a sad movie to assist in the sobbing. Also, yes, ice cream. That helps too.
ReplyDeleteYes I use "The Notebook". It gets me every time. A part of me recognises that it isn't a great movie and the other part says "bring on the tears!"
DeleteYou have encouraged me to take my blog a stretch farther. Because what you write here is real life. Not just the good stuff but the real stuff. Id like to see what you write about friendship. Do not crack open your head though! You might find more than you wanted to! ... seriously.... thank you for putting into words what many of us feel on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Tammy. I'm sure I'll cringe looking back on such posts, but for now they stand.
DeleteOh no hope you are feeling better very soon. I have those cry for no specific reason days too hope you can get the tears out if you need to. X
ReplyDeleteYeah, guys just don't get it. They are somewhat essential for me!
DeleteSometimes I feel like that too. Cut yourself a break - you don't have to be buzzing with happy with all the time. Hope you're feeling more yourself soon. x
ReplyDeleteI hate feeling that way too so much you wish you could write but sometimes you cant find the words or are afraid if the wrong person reads it! sometimes I like to write it as a draft and sit on it for a few days have a good cry with some chocolate of course let it all out and then delete the post makes me feel like at least I have put it out there so I can move on. I hate grey weeks hopefully some sunshine comes your way soon!
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Beautifully written. Achingly beautiful, even. And poetic too! Hope you're feeling better and more like yourself post-haste. I've been feeling a bit blah the past few days, too -- maybe it's something in the air?!
ReplyDeleteThanks Pretzel Thief. Yes, am feeling much more chipper. I value the contrast between moods though. The old "you need to be sad to appreciate happiness" etc etc. I suppose it's like weather. I love the seasons. I could never live where it was hot and sunny all the time. I am not built for the tropics one bit!
DeleteGreat post! I know this feeling all too well... it tends to happen when I have too many divergent thoughts to think about any one of them coherently. Not sure why a good cry can feel so clarifying, but it does! And also, I love that your post about not being able to write turned into a beautiful piece of writing!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ellie. Gladly it doesn't last too long, but it's frustrating at the time!
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