Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Would you share your inner-most heart with this man? aka thoughts on the road
Image: Danielle Smith (source)
This mystery man is Richard 'The Love God' Mercer. He has a little radio show in Australia where people dedicate love songs to each other. And not just "Lisa sends this one out to Johnny", but rather, Lisa on the phone telling the sultry-toned Love God all their pet nicknames, intimate details of their on-again-off-again relationship and how without Johnny her heart will whither and die like a discarded mushroom. Mushroom? Just go with it.
Tonight I drove home from my cousins with limited radio options. Love Song Dedications is often the only place for a late night sing along when the other stations turn techno. Richard is still there pumping out 90s Celine stalwarts and Enrique Iglesius ballads. One woman wrote in to dedicate a song to her ex Michael after bumping into him out on the town on Saturday night. Old mate Richard reads out anything that has been emailed. He began; "I sit here writing this with tears in my eyes, I know that we can never be..." and I knew it would be a classic. Listening to Richard read out the lengthy dedications in his aged, syrupy tones is at the same time perversly thrilling and completely squirm-worthy. Does Lisa really think that Michael is going to be listening to Love Song Dedications at the exact time that Richard reads out her words? Does she send him a message on Facebook telling him to tune in? It's bizarre. And totally addictive. But, who are these people?!
Listeners also call in. Tonight Rebecca called to tell Richard all about how she was attempting to reconcile with her ex girlfriend. Richard asks why they broke up. She tells him it's because her ex cheated on her with her sister. Richard "hmmm"s and "ah"s reassuringly as if telling the world on national radio that your sister got it on with your lover is completely normal. Seriously! These people are true odd bods and they keep coming back night after night. I wonder- does every country have a show like the Love God's?
It's not all tales of woe though. One night "Honeybear" wrote a dedication to her "Pookey-boo" so consumed with love, yet obsessively stalkerish, that she wanted to get grave plots beside each other so that they would never need to be parted. Their love made me want to poke my eye out with a fork. I really can't work out who these people are. I'm inclined to think they are all pranks until someone calls up, their voice quivering with tears. It's just so utterly tragic. But then, they might have something to say about the weirdo who started a blog and writes about begging her partner for his urine...ce la vie!
Another thought from the road:
There may be some serious money to be made by opening a petrol station with a giant banner out the front advertising that the staff will under no circumstances ask you if you want to buy something (tonight ten Easter eggs for $2) -or whatever the so-called "deal of the day" is- when you simply want to pay for your petrol and leave. I know it's not their fault, that they are forced to spin that line with every single transaction by management, but it is so annoying. Firstly, no, I just want to pay for my petrol. I would have put ten Easter eggs on the counter infront of you if I wanted to buy them. Secondly, Easter eggs? it's only the 23rd of January! and thirdly, if we knew each other well enough for you to be suggesting which chocolaty treat I might like it wouldn't be those little solid Easter eggs. Every year I think they are harmless. Every year I end up $100 poorer visiting the dentist when one knocks the retaining wire off my bottom teeth. They inevitably move, making a mockery of all those teen years in braces.
Aim this year: do not be fooled again by those delicious jewel coloured little devils.